ASK AN INTIMACY COACH – ANSWERS TO YOUR JUICIEST QUESTIONS

As an intimacy coach, I get asked a wide range of questions! My clients ask me about everything from how to improve communication in relationships to how to navigate more vulnerable and personal concerns. 

Many people feel nervous or even embarrassed to ask about their intimate lives, but the more we talk about these things, the more we can improve our relationships and overall well-being.

Because you may not want to ask… I’m answering some of the most common and juiciest questions I receive from clients here – including a question that many men are too embarrassed to ask.

Self-improvement questions for an intimacy coach

 "How can I be a better lover to my partner?"

This is a question I hear often, and it’s such an important one. 

Being a better lover isn’t just about technique (although that doesn’t hurt), it’s also about connection. To be a great lover, focus on being present with your partner. 

Ask questions about what they enjoy and be attentive to their verbal and non-verbal cues. Communication is key, both inside and outside the bedroom.

If you’re unsure of where to start, try asking your partner: 

• What makes you feel most loved?

• Is there something you’d like to explore that we haven’t tried yet?

These conversations can open up a whole new world of intimacy for both of you.

"How do I reignite the spark in a long-term relationship?"

It’s completely natural for the intensity of intimacy to ebb and flow over time, especially in long-term relationships. But you don’t have to remain stuck, it’s absolutely possible to reignite that spark at any point.

Start by prioritizing quality time together. Carve out moments where you can reconnect without distractions: no phones, no kids, no work. Plan something fun and different, whether it’s a date night or an adventure that brings excitement back into your dynamic. 

You can also explore new ways of being intimate through physical touch, meaningful conversations, or sharing fantasies you haven’t talked about before.

And remember, intimacy isn’t just physical. Emotional intimacy – feeling connected, heard, and understood – is just as important for keeping that spark alive.

Vulnerable questions for an intimacy coach

"How do I talk to my partner about something I’m afraid they’ll judge me for?"

Opening up about sensitive topics can feel scary, but vulnerability is one of the most important elements of an intimate relationship. 

Start by creating a safe space for the conversation and choose a time when both of you are relaxed. Be careful to use a gentle, non-judgmental tone while talking about sensitive topics. 

Try opening with something like: 

"I’ve been thinking about something that’s important to me, and I want to share it with you because I trust you."

Make it clear that the goal of this conversation is to strengthen your connection. Most partners appreciate when you’re open and honest with them, even if the topic is uncomfortable at first.

"How can I last longer during sex?" (This is one question many men are too embarrassed to ask, but desperately want an answer to.)

Honestly, this is a totally normal concern. Don’t be embarrassed, this is absolutely something you can address with your partner. It’s more common than you think!

Lasting longer in bed often comes down to managing arousal and understanding your body’s signals.

One technique I suggest is practicing mindfulness. By focusing on your breathing and staying present in your body, you can train yourself to control your arousal. Edging – bringing yourself close to orgasm and then stopping to let the feeling subside – can also help build stamina over time.

It’s important to remember that your worth as a lover isn’t defined by how long you last. Intimacy is about connection, and many factors contribute to a fulfilling experience for both partners.

Questions about the bedroom aren’t off limits

"What should I do if my partner and I have mismatched libidos?"

Many relationships struggle with this issue. Mismatched libidos can create tension when the topic is not addressed openly. The key is to communicate compassionately and avoid making your partner feel guilty for either wanting more or less sex.

Start by discussing each other’s needs, desires, and the emotional or physical factors that might be influencing your levels of desire. It’s also helpful to explore non-sexual ways of being intimate. 

Remember, intimacy is more than just sex, and finding ways to connect on different levels can ease pressure around mismatched libidos.

Seeking the help of a coach or therapist can provide a neutral space for these conversations.

"How can I feel more confident in the bedroom?"

Confidence in the bedroom comes from feeling comfortable with yourself and your partner. If you’re feeling insecure, remember that everyone has moments of insecurity. You just don’t want to let it derail your sex life or negatively impact your relationship.

The first step to building confidence is self-acceptance. Embrace your body, your desires, and your uniqueness.

Being an attentive, caring partner can also boost your confidence. When you focus on making your partner feel good, the pressure to "perform" melts away, and you can enjoy the experience together. 

Communicating about what feels good for both of you also creates a sense of security and trust, which is the foundation of sexual confidence.

Have questions you want to ask a professional?

As an intimacy coach, my goal is to create a space where people feel comfortable asking the questions that have been weighing on their minds. 

No question is too small, too big, or too embarrassing. If it matters to you, it’s worth talking about! The more we open up to having these conversations, the more we can grow in our relationships and as individuals.

If you have a question or are interested in exploring how to improve intimacy in your life, I’m here to help. Don’t hesitate to reach out – this is your space to ask anything.