WHAT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP LOOKS LIKE... AND WHAT IT DOESN'T

Navigating the complexities of romantic relationships can often feel like sailing through uncharted waters. 

But understanding what constitutes a “good” relationship is the key to finding and maintaining fulfilling partnerships. 

In this post, we'll dive into the characteristics of these healthy, desirable relationships, the signs of unhealthy relationships, and distinguish between personal preferences and absolute deal-breakers.

What a good relationship includes

When we describe a “good” relationship, we’re talking about a healthy relationship that is beneficial to both partners and set up for long-term success and fulfillment. These relationships tend to all include (at varying levels and degrees), the following elements.

1. Mutual Respect

At the core of every healthy relationship is mutual respect. This means each partner acknowledges the other’s values, boundaries, and personal space. Respect also extends to how partners communicate and handle conflict—speaking kindly and listening sincerely, even during disagreements.

2. Trust and Honesty

A good relationship is built on the foundation of trust, which fosters security and openness between partners. Honesty goes hand-in-hand with trust, as consistent truthfulness is crucial for maintaining a strong connection and avoiding misunderstandings.

3. Supportive Interactions

Partners in a good relationship support each other’s goals and ambitions, both personally and professionally. This support isn’t limited to big events; it’s also about encouraging each other through everyday challenges and celebrating small victories together.

4. Effective Communication

Being able to communicate openly and effectively is essential. This means expressing needs, desires, and concerns in ways that are constructive rather than destructive. It also involves active listening, where both partners feel heard and understood.

5. Emotional and Physical Intimacy

Sharing emotional and physical closeness helps strengthen the bond between partners. Intimacy is more than just physical affection; it includes sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences that foster a deeper connection.

What a good relationship should not include

Health, balanced relationships are always evolving and never perfect, but a good relationship doesn’t include things like:

1. Control and Dependency

Relationships where one partner exerts control over the other—be it financially, emotionally, or socially—are unhealthy. Similarly, a relationship where one partner is overly dependent on the other for their self-worth or happiness can lead to toxic dynamics.

2. Constant Conflict

While occasional disagreements are normal, constant, unresolved conflict that escalates into personal attacks is not a sign of a healthy relationship. It indicates poor communication skills and a lack of respect.

3. Dishonesty and Mistrust

Frequent lies and deceit erode trust and can destroy a relationship’s foundation. A relationship without trust leads to insecurity, suspicion, and resentment.

4. Lack of Support

Partners who are dismissive of each other’s needs or interests do not foster a nurturing environment. A good relationship involves elevating each other, not pulling each other down.

The difference in personal preferences and major red flags

Personal preferences vary widely among individuals and can include desires for similar hobbies, intellectual compatibility, or specific lifestyle choices. 

While these preferences can influence relationship satisfaction, they generally don’t make or break the fundamental health of a relationship.

Absolute red flags are non-negotiable elements that, if violated, can lead to serious harm or dissatisfaction.

They often include issues like abuse (emotional, physical, or psychological), chronic dishonesty, and disrespect. 

Recognizing these red flags as early as possible is important for protecting your own safety and making important decisions about a relationship. 

Knowing what a good relationship looks like helps you navigate your own relationships

Understanding what a good relationship looks like involves recognizing the balance between healthy interaction patterns and respecting personal deal-breakers. 

While personal preferences may vary, the fundamental qualities of respect, trust, support, effective communication, and intimacy are universal indicators of a good relationship. 

On the flip side, control, constant conflict, dishonesty, gaslighting, and lack of commitment and support are clear signs that a relationship may not be good, regardless of how much one might want it to be. 

Recognizing these signs can help you navigate your way to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.